Of late I’ve been experiencing the same scenario with a variety of close acquaintances in a strange game of emotional Déjà vu. As you grow older its only natural that you and people in your inner circle will do experience and face the common struggles associated with those in their mid to late twenties. In this instance, the most powerful common component seems to be hate, so here’s how you deal with it.
Hate; is an intense dislike for someone or something. And while we all casually sling that word around like a Louis Vuitton satchel, to express our general dislike of everything from particular foods to political figures it is a stronger emotion than many of us truly comprehend. To hate someone, is to actively feel repulsed by their presence or more importantly to not want their lives to be fulfilling or rewarding in the same way that ours might be. And to have garnered that kind of instinctual hatred from you, this person would have had to either committed a crime similar to something out of The Godfather or physically tried hurting you. Now, keep in mind while those are extreme case scenarios, they too do not merit your hate.
Hate fuels you to achieve things with a rush of adrenaline, but many a time it also leaves your Achilles heel exposed. It often blinds you on how to deal with the matter at hand with practicality and instead offers something that appears to be more gratifying, however ultimately lends very little to your growth as a human being.
So, how do you deal with hate?
Firstly, train yourself to never let that be your instant go-to word for something/someone you quite plainly just dislike. Ever heard the mantra ‘speak it into existence’? When you put this energy out there, it manifests in your system creating problems rather than helping to achieve goals.
Be the bigger person. As easy as it may be (and temporarily satisfying) to celebrate the demise or downfall of someone who has wronged you. Remember to acknowledge that you only wish to live your best life and that does not include waiting around and wishing for the worst on someone else. This kind of attitude almost always only brings clouded judgement, dramatic falling out’s with friends and an overall sense of self doubt. Instead, you are allowed to acknowledge that karma works in the best ways, or quite simply adopt the easier mantra which is ‘things are never too good or too bad for too long’. Thus detaching yourself from any emotional connection you may had to this negative force in your life.
Acceptance. Some people will cheat you, hurt you and leave you when something better comes along. That is just a common truth. And while people are not inherently good or evil, you would be surprised at how close some of them get to that classification. So, what do you do? Accept that these people have harmed you, except that they hurt and used you and abused your trust. Then let the initial anger of that realization flood over you, followed by the unavoidable moodiness until gradually sooner rather than later, you do not wish any harm on said person. Because a life time spent wishing the worst on someone else, will never bring you the kind of happiness or closure you need. With acceptance, you learn to value yourself and appreciate the type of person you are to all those around you. And sets the benchmark for all your future relationships.( romantic or otherwise )
In the end, none of it is easy. But nothing in this life worth anything ever truly is. And yes, sometimes I think ‘God, I hate this place!’ or ‘I hate this weather’, but overtime I’ve learned to hone my emotions when it comes to people. Because some people deserve a second chance while others don’t deserve you at all. But it is up to you to make that distinction without the toxicity of hate clouidng your judgement.